It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

People keep trying to date me. It's really awkward. I'm trying to be subtle and nice about it but arrgghhhh take a hint. The strange thing is I always get texts from her when I am texting someone else. And as I rarely use my phone, it's like she's watching me, and she knows when I have my phone in my hand and then she texts RIGHT THEN just to get in there! I almost dropped my phone in shock yesterday when I was texting Alison something and BAM. Happened again after a week of silence. Message from her.

*Twilight Zone theme song*

But other than stalky phone times, the past few days have been awesome! And I threw up in a park, so that goes to show they were pretty eventful (before anyone assumes anything alcohol was not involved. Just my body being special). I also got new shoes and spent 12 hours yesterday sleeping! But our kitchen has new paint and the wall dude says the wallpaper in the lounge might be done by Wednesday. Then we can put our new sexy curtains up!

My legs hurt from spending a half an hour walking on a trail. Ahahhaha fail!fitness!

EDIT: Random dog just came over and chased the cats all around. Reminds me of the time we let fake!Jet in and he ate Lewi's sandwich and knocked over a bunch of stuff before we realised it wasn't Jet and we felt all violated because some stranger dog had come in and messed everything up.

Semester 2 has started and already I have had a class cancelled because the university just didn't figure out the class venue in time. I can't deal well with this. I miss the Social Work building. It was a safe and familiar place. Being in a different room every time and not knowing where classes are or when until an hour before is nerve-wracking and I am a person who likes constancy and normalcy. I have anxiety disorders. These things are important.

It might just be that I am still sick and overly tired, but I don't want to go back at all. And it's not that I don't love what I am studying, because I do (except for policy omfg). I still want to be a social worker and I still want my degree, but I am starting to think this year might be a wash. I can't concentrate on anything, and I already put off my first placement. Now apparently I should have heard about my second placement by now but I haven't so I had to email them to remind them I got permission to do the second placement without the first, given by the program coordinator who said he wasn't worried about me because dammit, I'm awesome. I don't know what do to. It's all...*sigh* I need my student loan, which is the only reason I stayed enrolled at all. If I can't concentrate enough to study, and yet I can't really drop out, what the ever livin' fuck can I do, eh?

Part of me wants to quit and go study the rest of my degree in Ireland or something. But I love the people here. Hrrnnnggghhhh. And I did love the city, but it's gone now.

Fuck it all. Fuck this earthquake. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck motherfucking fuck fuck fuck. Can it be December now so I can go see my mommy?

Went to doctor. Came home. Slept 8 hours. Woke up for about five. Slept fourteen hours. Was awake for maybe six. Slept sixteen hours. Still tired. Hrrggghhh. I want to DO THINGS, BODY! Sleeping is boring, my giddy aunt. I want to finish rearranging my room and I want to write things and ...do stuff! But no. Sleep. Sleep is all I do.

Pttthhhlllttthh.

I have a virus. YAY, A VIRUS OF MY VERY OWN! :| My doctor (whom I love) said it is most likely gladular fever, but she ordered a test just to make sure it wasn't anything else. She said it could also be a virus that pretty much causes the same thing, so basically I'm screwed either way. I don't care about the definition if the results are the same, but she's doing her doctory thing.

Does it make me weird that I love blood tests? I love them. The nurse asked me how I felt about needles and I assured her I have no problem with them. Then I informed her she wouldn't be able to find a vein in my arm, as I ALWAYS have to do and no one ever takes my word for it. I have always had blood drawn from, and had IVs in my hands. No one has ever found a viable vein in my arm, yet everyone tries (one lady dug around in there for fifteen minutes because she refused to be beat, but she eventually gave up) because apparently it hurts more in the hands? I wouldn't know. I have nothing to compare it to! And frankly a cat scratch hurts more than needles, in my humble opinion.

Anyway she found a vein in my hand and the blood started to go into the tube and I went "OOoooooh!" and she thought it was a sound of distress but I was like "No, I think it's awesome!" because I really do. I like watching it. I might be a freak, but I find it fascinating. So yeah. The highlight of my day was a blood test.

My week is going so awesome, you guys. So awesome that my cat used my head to prop her leg up to lick her arse a while ago. But I have doughnuts, so that's something! Now I'm gonna sleep because omfg.

Yesterday's quakes upgraded to 5.7 and 6.3.

I just slept for 11 hours. That was nice. Though I am still exhausted.

People developed hypothermia last night because it was so cold. Some people didn't have power to run their heaters or to keep warm. I just... I think hiding from the world for a little while sounds like a good idea.

That'll teach me to complain about not being affected. There was a 6.0 after the 5.5. I was in the living room with Leah and things started falling down. The whole house swayed and so I dove under the door with Leah to cling until it stopped. There is dripping in the roof, but I think that stopped too. So our hot water tank must have sloshed some more water out of it. The kittens are fine, though Ariadne won't come out from under my bed.

City council staff at the Art Gallery's civil defence headquarters said the 2.20pm aftershock was "very very significant" and a number of buildings had collapsed in the red zone.

Emergency teams confirmed the leaning Hotel Grand Chancellor had tipped further over.

The Art Centre's historic clock tower has lost its clockface. It has shattered and fallen to the ground.

And there's yet more photos. Like this one.

Enough of this.

EDIT: Key said to demonstrate the significance of today's quakes, the magnitude six quake this afternoon registered an eight on the Mercalli scale which measures the intensity of earth quakes. By comparison the February 22 earthquake was a nine.

Not surprised. That one today did feel as horrible as that one in February.

EDIT 2: "This size of events is likely to produce its own aftershock sequence, therefore rejuvenating aftershock activity at least in the short term."

OH GOOD. Again not surprised. But *sigh*

Uhm.

...a flying saucer just landed outside my house. I heard this weird noise and then something bumped into the porch and I squealed. I got up to look out the window and there is this THING there against the steps all lit up in red lights. It's small and probably remote controlled, which means a human is attached to it somewhere out of sight, so no way in hell am I going out there to check. That seems like a nice way to lure someone out of their house (lolparanoid). But I am not kidding. There is an alien spacecraft replica outside. It landed at my doorstep. It has flashy lights.

Why me, you guys? Seriously. What in the freaking hell?!

...I am going to go look and see if it's gone. If I see a face out there I might shit my pants. Wish me no monsters!



So. It's gone now. I didn't hear anyone come up the drive, and it's gravel so if a person came to retrieve it they had to walk on the grass. Which means they were trying to be sneaky. WHICH I AM SORRY, BUT I DO NOT LIKE!!

I don't even know. I swear to shit I'm not crazy though. I'm really not. Well. Not about this. I wouldn't put it past one of the KAOS people to have come to show us their new toy, but I still find it unsettling. I checked all the locks. YOU SHALL NOT PASS, SAUCER OWNER!

EDIT: I just looked at my 'this shit actually happens' tag (which is amazing reading, by the way because even I forget the weird crap that happens to me but...yeah) and I found the entry where I ran into the Cardinal Archbishop of Westminster, literally, and then acted like a dick. It's here and it makes me laugh still!

My mouth is finally getting back to normal, which means it isn't drying out at every opportunity so I have to stay up all night with a water bottle in my face, dripping it on my tongue. And that isn't an exaggeration, I actually did that. Dry mouth is like...one of the worst things I have ever experienced, physically. It was worse than asthma because it made my tongue all huge and I couldn't talk right and that freaked me out so I had anxiety attacks and couldn't breathe anyway. And my mouth hurt because it dried out if I didn't drink water constantly. And I was always aware of it. It's still the tiniest bit dry, but nothing like it has been, and my tongue feels like it fits in my face now.

YOU ALL NEEDED TO KNOW THESE MINUTE DETAILS ABOUT ANXIETY MEDICATION SIDE EFFECTS. Okay, you probably didn't, but now you do anyway ;) And really, if that is the worst side effect they give me, I can deal. But I am saying that now because it seems to be over! It seems like such a minor thing, but oh dear GOD it was a week and a half of quite an ordeal.

Now there is chicken ceasar salad (oh god, I just ate so much of it which is so good) and Silent Hill, which is so atmospheric and the music is pretty and there are monsters and I have random threads to start in FS and the kitten is sleeping beside me. I feel happy and warm and loved and lucky. And calm. I feel calm.

Thank everything for that.

Now I just have to start eating more again. I still have no appetite, which bothers me. My clothes are all way too big. Like...it is impressive how much weight I lost in two weeks (yes, I am not pleased about this). So tomorrow I am going to eat three meals. I know, right? I CAN DO THIS!

I don't know.

I posted a thingy on Tumblr last night which was metaphorical of how I'm feeling inside, even though I was talking about something else. It's here in case you feel like reading it. Behold how goddamn deep I am, you guys, omg.

I just feel really fragile. I managed to actually write something I didn't hate. In fact, I really love it. And that made me want to watch Michael Collins so I could Irish!historygasm. Yeah. If you're feeling fragile, watching Michael Collins WILL make you sob for two hours straight. Just, you know, FYI. But GOD that movie. I love it. It is so well done. And it amuses me to see Jonathan Rhys Meyers in one of his first film roles. Where he gets to use his actual accent!

I'm just worn out. And people keep asking me questions I have no way of answering and it pisses me off when it shouldn't. But I don't know when my course will start again and I don't know when my placement will start again and I don't know when real life will resume. We only just got water on at full strength and considering the way it's been going on and off for days at a time, who knows if it will stay that way. Some of the city is still without power and water at ALL, let alone the people who lost homes and families and lives. So yeah, I don't know when classes will resume again.

Stop asking.

All the dust in the air is wreaking havoc on my sinuses. I have had three nosebleeds in the past two days. One I WOKE UP TO which was quite a disgusting feeling, okay. AND NOW YOU ALL KNOW.

But it looks like we didn't have a broken pipe after all, just an hot water tank that fell over to some extent. It's been switched back on today so we might have hot water back by tonight. Which would be really nice.

I don't even know what day it is.