It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

Today was like...the best day ever. My ribs hurt from laughing and my cheeks are sore from smiling.

Ness should have birthdays every day :D <3

Too tired for details, but I am just so happy!

So you know how when some people get old and boring all they talk about is their health?

...

Yesterday I got the results of the blood test I took two weeks ago. All the good things were positive and all the bad things were negative so that's good. Except that my folate levels were low. Apparently it happens in people with CFS. Normal levels are 170-600 and mine were at around 130. Apparently under 110 nerve damage can start happening so I'm glad they caught that! So they gave me a B12 shot. It was red and it felt like it was flooding my arm with pain when it went in, but I don't mind.

I had to have another blood test too. I don't even remember what all they are testing for this time except caeliac's disease or something to do with it. Really though, all the tests are good. Making sure everything is working is handy and they wouldn't have caught this folate thing if it weren't for the tests!

Hopefully the B12 and the high dose vitamin D I am on will start to give me some kind of improvement. I am still too tired to write anything not personal, which makes me sad! It's my escape but I can't focus on it! And then I fall asleep. Apparently I talked to Alison in my sleep yesterday. Oops!

And really, my mood is awesome. So I can't complain about that! With all this going on, I still feel lovely mood-wise. And that's so great.

I got black curtains and put them up so I could finally say goodbye to the pink ones. Ness can have her curtains back! Though really we should wash those...

But YAY BLACK CURTAINS! They are JUST long enough to reach the windowsill but hush! I love them :D And they look amazing with my purple lights over them. I also bought a very cheap but very nice shirt (we were at the warehouse, this entire purchase was pretty darn cheap) and the shirt not only suits me, but I look hot in it.

SO HAH! THINGS ARE AWESOME!

Other things in the list of awesome that is today? Watching movies with my Leah, and Dirty Life coming back. I am going to write some Nicholas and Hannah SO hardcore! Eeeiiiii!

I was in the crappiest mood (hormones lol) and then suddenly I'm all excited and happy. Thanks a lot, body. You're lovely.

BUT I am going to learn to crochet tomorrow! So I can make scarves! I so want a Doctor Who scarf homg. And we're going shopping for wool so my mother can make me some potholders and dish cloths for our LFoD kitchen. Also I am looking at the easy patterns for stained glass so I can start more projects. I have this gorgeous triple shamrock pattern I will make for me, but I am going to make that one at the class. I can do the easy ones in the basement. My mother set up a workshop because she's adorable. We're also looking for presents for the niece and nephews as well.

And then my sister and her family get here on Thursday. And on Friday I might go to Sherlock Holmes 2 with Maliky and Travis which yayyyy! I am so excited :D

<3

I have been looking forward to going to the US because being here in the city of Aftershocks and Gloom hasn't been great for the old brainpan. But my trip to Te Anau and various made me feel so incredibly good. So now I'm all "wah, I have to leave my home for two months!" It does make it better than I get my family though :D But I will miss my friends and my cats and my house and my housemates and all the things. In the long run, two months isn't too long. Just feels like it right now!

So in 10 and a half hours I will wake up and take a shower and then I will head for the airport. Then I will be in Sydney before heading to the US. I get to see my cousin in San Francisco, and then my mommy in Helena, Montana. I can catch up on writing all the things, since there are few distractions in Montana, especially in winter.

I feel so much better though. It's...awesome. I just really needed to get out of this city, even though I love it so much. Touring the south island of NZ was amazing. This county is gorgeous and I think, despite wanting to leave it for the UK for a while, I think I kind of want to stay. We'll see how things go. But I feel at home here. It's lovely.

So now I have to clean my room for Woot to move in to it for two months. I should vacuum for him too, since the floor is covered with catfood. Echo is a messy eater. I can't wait until I can come back and cuddle the kitties again though! I will miss my babies!

It is hot today. As an aside. It's gross.

I just wrote 8,099 words in Darker London. I haven't written anything significant there since February at least. And today was 11 scenes (one backdated). And I feel more like myself than I have in months.

I forgot how good just writing by myself can feel, not that I am saying it's better than writing with someone else. It's just different because you have to create everything from start to finish and all of it in between. I opened windows and had no idea what I was going to wrote about and things flowed. It's been FOREVER since I was able to do that. Everything has to be planned and thought of beforehand recently and if it isn't planned it doesn't happen. But not today, this was just "I want to write for Deirdre" BAM. Scene.

It's like a weight lifted off my chest that I didn't even know was there. I love my creative outlets. But Darker London will always own my soul because those characters are mine and not borrowed from elsewhere. And it feels good to write something that is absolutely and completely yours and to write it yourself. I love writing with other people, but I did this all by myself and I am proud I finally could again.

Fuck, I feel awesome.

I have been so productive the last few days. I did my meeting, shopped, got my hair cut, contacted Petersgate for counselling, went with Alison to take Helios to the vet, finished over half of my essay BEFORE the day before it's due (I know, right?! and I am pleased with it, too!), did some work for my mom, did some dishes, and dyed my hair. I am about to go shopping again for other stuff we need. And wine glasses, since I broke one the other day and now we have only two (I think...) Then I will make chili and cupcakes. And the day before that I did a million errands as well. And not a single bit of it made me anxious.

Awesome.

I've been sleeping better, and when I woke up with a funny feeling throat thanks to the cold I am developing, I didn't panic. Which is awesomely amazing. First time.

Yesterday I had class which went really well, except that I was 40 minutes late. Why? I walked to the vet to get a flea treatment for the new kitten, Echo. But when I had printed out my assignment, I had taken my wallet out of my bag to get my student ID to write it on the cover sheet. I did this at home, so at least I didn't leave my wallet somewhere public, but it wasn't in my bag at the vet's. :|. I had been planning on taking the bus from there to uni to turn in my medical withdrawal form and turn in my assignment with plenty of time to get to class. Except then I had to walk home. And then the bus was late. And then it stopped to let about 500 kids on, which is fine as that is what a bus is for, but they were stupid kids and took forever to wrestle before boarding the bus and then struggling to find their own wallets. And then the student services office had moved. And then I got lost trying to find it. And then I had to cross campus to turn in my assignment. And then the bus to the Dovedale campus took forever too. So yes. Late. But I didn't panic then either. Hurrah.

Today I have a meeting with Anxiety Support Canterbury. I am going to discuss counselling and group with work them. And I am not anxious about the meeting at all. I can't even describe how that feels.

So instead I am about to post 25 photos of kittens. Yesterday the sun was streaming in and since my flash is as bright as a thousand suns and washes everything out, I decided to take photos of the cats with natural light so people could see what they really looked like. And then the photos looked amazing. So I took like...150. Shut up, these are freaking gorgeous. The cats and the pictures ;)

( You should be glad there are only 25... )

My best friend is here. Already she made me stand on her ass. Apparently it was to put her tailbone back into place. Or so she says. I have her pegged, this one. She is now asleep on the floor of the living room because Jayann sleeping in the bedroom is about as rare as...something rare!

I have said so many words today. It's kind of epic!

(I also bought Tim Minchin. But a DVD and not the man himself. Because he has the flu and also that is illegal)

Done.

(Now I just have to study for the exam. And, you know, drop off the research proposal to the Social Work office.)