It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

So...my head hurts more than it should be allowed to hurt, seeing as I did not go out and get drunk last night. I stayed in and drank juice and water and watched a movie before writing some on my essay. And posting 39728174 times to LJ because when writing essays I can't RP and LJ is my replacement RP because it takes less time SHUT UP don't judge.

When my head started hurting, my first thought was "LOL MAYBE I'M AN EMPATH! I'M HAVING EMPATH HANGOVERS" like some horrible person we all know and love who claimed to be one (thoroughly co-opting a part of a belief system, everyone loves that) to get attention that was otherwise not focused on her. Someone else was in pain and people were paying attention to them so she wasn't the center of the world? "FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT MY PAIN BOOYAH I AM THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE AGAIN!" Not...that she was doing it with hangovers...

ANYWAY my first thought was spiteful so I am a horrible person!

But, you know...maybe it's a sympathy hangover! More likely, I need coffee. Heaaaddddd :(

I got a new fan though! It won't make horrible clangy noises AND it has a timer so it won't be running all night long. I need the sound to fall asleep, but once I'm asleep, the electricity is fairly wasted! And the fan is more powerful too. Useful for summer!

Oh god, my poor brain. Back to my essay on the history of mental health policy in New Zealand *cries*

Continuing on with the 30 days of RP meme:

day 05 - your favorite crackship ~ You know, most of my crackships in Darker London actually ended up as ships. Leah and I put her Nova and my Razvan your_razvan together for the lols and they ended up being really sweet. Tasha and Hope relinquite_spes weren't originally as serious as they turned out to be. There's the priest and the nun, Ciaran the_sacred_fire and Catalina. I can't think of any more, but it happens with startling regularity.

My favourite however, is father_peter Peter/Jillian. In a scene once, his narrative mentioned she had a nice arse and Leah thought that was hilarious and then we wrote an AU... Now in real Darker London he is in love with her sister and...you know...his WIFE. But I so wish he could be with Jillian because not only is it hot, it's AWESOMELY HOT.

In FG the totally random and non-sexual pairing of Michael and the Loch Ness Monster makes me grin!

day 06 - biggest pet peeve ~ In roleplay? Nikki. She couldn't write (or at least didn't take the time to) and she wouldn't read scenes or she would skim them and then respond. One time we were writing smut and she had her character spontaneously orgasm while apparently standing in the middle of the room, since her girlfriends had moved to the bed in the reply before that. And she missed it. She also never read anything except scenes she was in, which is fine, except then she would miss stuff and have characters post about things when they were no longer relevant or that made no sense with the other things they went on. She also couldn't separate IC from OOC in the worst ways and she made it so hard to write ANYTHING in case she might get angry or flip out. She hated IC conflict and since that's totally my favourite thing, that was an issue!

It's sometimes funny to realise how much has changed in five years. The Lesbian Flat of Doom over here has been getting a wee bit introspective AND nostalgic over the weekend. I met my girls in 2005 and looking back...wow.

Someone I think deserves a good kick in the chachacha- after reading 2005 and seeing the things she said then...the things she STILL says and the way she STILL treats people and how much she hasn't changed even one tiny bit- I have never been more relieved to have that poisonous excuse for a girl out of my life.

I love my girls. They are the best friends anyone could ask for. Ness came over last night and we watched a bunch of silly things including QI (Oh, Stephen Fry is NEVER silly...:D) and a show with Simon Amstell whom I love so much omg. We had a lovely time. Ness should come over more often :)

Then the girls and I took a walk to a playground at 2 am, drinking wine. Well they drank wine. It was kind of vile. I went on rain-drenched swings and enjoyed the absolute silence that is Spreydon in the night. I love New Zealand so much. What a beautiful and peaceful place. And don't worry, we weren't loud and disreputable youths. We were quiet as we walked. It was about taking a walk that wasn't for clearing heads. It wasn't for angst. It was for realising things are better now. And it was lovely. There was fog on the hills and the lights were shining through and it was warm, if rainy. Perfect.

Now it's 4 pm the next day, I am sitting in my bed, Leah is in the living room shouting my friend Clare's name for reasons I am not entirely sure of (I think she's looking at your pictures, Clare?), though it reminds me of her too which makes me smile!

Yay for the world. Imma get a sandwich.

WOW some people make me so sad for humans. I just hate it when people have blinders on, and they can't see it. It's crappy. And I'm worrying about someone who has treated me with SO little regard; I wish I didn't have the empathy I do. Unfortunately, I was cursed with it. So...may you not be 'rewarded' with the Karma you deserve, even though it might just make you a better human being in the process.

*sigh*

Anyway, I'm home in Melbourne! And I spent almost the entire afternoon sleeping on the sofa! I want to re-watch the Most Haunted episodes of the places I visited, so I can laugh at their antics while now knowing the place. Eeeeiiii!

I miss my girls. Leah and Ali and I had supreme cuddles in the Christchurch airport! They're so awesome! And I got Jensnuggles for giving her an NW with RPattz in it, and Cath snuggles before I left, and that was awesome! I did not, however, catch some Ness-snuggles before she left after crashing on Friday, but they can be online ones!!

And I am now an addict of Battlestar Galactica, The IT Crowd, and The Flying Burrito Brothers (that is a restaurant...)

Being back is weird. My STUFF is here. So strange. Anyway, that'd be the end of my 2009 trip updates, alas. On with the show.

Lewi and I would appreciate it if the people who are producers on "Absence" would pitch in money for the $20 worth of tapes he put down today since it is NOT his responsibility considering he is not a producer nor is it his brainchild.

Thank you!!

Lewi said "Lewi brain go squish" I LOVE HIM! We eat dinner and then sleeps. For tomorrow is more filming.

And hopefully I won't have to kick people.

I don't think an apology is too much to ask for. A simple "Oh, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" but what do I get? Nicht. Nada. Nothing.

It's alllllll for shite.

Paaaaaaaaants. Why can't YOU live here? I will feed you butterfingers or something. I went by the Lolly Store on Lygon street last night and they were selling american candy and I went a bit nuts. It's EXPENSIVE but I miss the american candy! MMMmmmmMMMMmmButterfinger. And THEY HAD SKOR BARS!! But they felt mooshy. And American Cherry Coke (Cherry coke here tastes like lighter fluid) and root beer....omg...

And candy penises. Score....?

I LOVED Capote. Love loved. Phillip Seymour Hoffman was SO amazing in that movie. *kisses him* But then afterwards I felt bad because Lewi didn't know who Truman Capote was and I realised that it's a cultural thing. He invented a genre basically (or made it mainstream) and changed SO many things, but he's still an American writer.

Weird.

Also...I feel gross. So I'm leaving :)

Am I only a worthwhile friend if I am buying people things? PLANE TICKET THINGS. After I already did once (that one I am not complaining about) Am I really so boring that the only worth I have is that I an generous? That can't be right...right? I'm nice and funny and stuff...right?

Ok I know I am being paranoid and also a git. But sometimes I feel so worthless and the only reason people are nice to me is because I buy them things and when I complain about it. LEGITIMATELY, mind you...I get the ass end of the...thing...

I must suck. Lots.

AND AND AND my friend Sean is getting married!!!! I am refraining from using his middle name, as I am not sure if this person wants this knowledge spread and he generally GOES by his middle name lol. But I am SOOOOOO happy for him. Seriously. We go way back. We have a history. So him being happy is one of the best things that could happen and I don't feel guilty for being happy too. I asked him to sing at MY wedding. He said yes and now I feel okay about that lol. I just didn't want him to be mad and Lewi felt bad because he likes hi but YAY because now there won't be weirdness!!!!

Wow I am having major moodswings. Happy, sad, depressed, fyfehappy, sad, happy, ecstatic, annoyed...STOP WILL YOU, it isn't even PMS time yet ('Cause you ALL wanted to know that ;))

I care WAY too much about the way other people are feeling. Really...I do.

Stupid being empathetic. Fuck OFF won't you?

~Lara~

(comments screened)

Okay, the reason my lovely travel agent hasn't called me back is because she was out sick and now today is her day off. AUGH! Why didn't she have a coworker call me or something?! So I called them and they found it on the system at least.

So tickets here when Nikki wants to come are over SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. Because of the Melbourne Cup.

Sorry. I have a loan to pay. I can't afford that and the 450 from last time and the 100 from the time before that.

What happened to people paying me back?

And now I am getting all angry and irrational and nobody NEEDS THAT RIGHT NOW!!!

I forgot when it because my responsibility to do this. Did I agree to that? And I kind of wonder why I was expected to do it this time because, yes, it WAS an idea I had awhile ago. And yes if I hadn't used my savings to buy the other ticket to NOT BE REPAID it wouldn't matter because Hey, I could use my savings. Sorry, that's gone. GONE. And I have a fucking HUGE debt to the US which I have to pay EVERY MONTH and I have to pay Lewi's parents 200 bucks EVERY MONTH. So even if I WANTED to book this ticket right now, I couldn't, because I don't have enough in my bank account AND MY SAVINGS ARE GONE (to be replaced once I get my tax return in 2 weeks)

Jesus Christ, I wish money weren't such a big deal. I also which I knew how to say no. Or "Can't you help with this?" Or, "Uhm...don't YOU have savings somewhere? And so why am I cleaning out MINE to do this?"

Oh ok...I guess I just said it.

I suggest leaving me alone for about 2 hours. Unless of course, you are giving me money. With the exception of Nikki and Lewi.

Well and Jamie, but that's RP. Good distraction...yessssss

I just want to cry.

~Lara~

EDIT: *bursts out laughing* Oh dear. So I check my email and what do I find. A letter from United offering me like 300 bucks off a plane ticket. Unfortunately they don't fly to Christchurch, but the humor was not lost on me, thank goodness. I'm glad I can't stay very pissed for very long.